“A broken world can never fix a broken person.” – Matt Evans
Almost 5 years ago, I thought my world was falling apart. I was pregnant with my son. I should have been hopeful, excited about adding a second child to our family. I was only a couple of months from my due date and planning my daughter’s 4th birthday party. What should have been a beautiful time of anticipation and celebration quickly turned into a time of sorrow. Someone very dear to me decided to walk out of my life. It was unexpected, it broke my heart and it felt like my world was crumbling all around me. It was the beginning of what was the darkest days of my life. I closed myself off from God and in doing so, I closed myself off from hope. Over the 4 years that followed I went through a process.
Romans 5:1-5 says:
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
You see, if you had told me then that God would use such a heart-breaking event to shape me into the person I am today, I would not have believed you. I could not believe any good could come from such darkness. And it took about 4 years for me to hope again. It took 4 years for me to open my heart to the Holy Spirit and accept the hope offered. It took forgiveness to break the chains between me and this person who broke me. It took God’s grace for me during the process for me to learn to offer grace to others. You see this person is broken. This person is beloved by God just as much as I am and through the Holy Spirit I hope with a hope that is not of me that this person will reconcile someday.
I had to forgive myself for the person I was during that dark time. I had to ask forgiveness from God and from some of the people I hurt during that time. And I pray that God’s love covers all of that. That He is so much bigger than me and my brokenness.
Today, I feel whole in a way I never have, because God’s love has taught me perseverance, character and most of all hope.
The song “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns says:
So when you’re on your knees and answers seem so far away
You’re not alone, stop holding on and just be held
Your world’s not falling apart, it’s falling into place
I’m on the throne, stop holding on and just be held
Just be held, just be held
If your eyes are on the storm, you’ll wonder if I love you still
But if your eyes are on the cross, You’ll know I always have and always will.
And not a tear is wasted, In time, you’ll understand
I’m painting beauty with the ashes, your life is in My hands
So if you’re in the dark times, and you don’t see how God could possibly make beauty from these ashes. I encourage you to remember that God is always on the throne, even in the darkest of times. I believe this more today than ever because God did the impossible, He took what felt like “my world falling apart” and made it all “fall into place.”
Just be held.