The little “t” truth of my experiences has told me I am unworthy of the love of an earthly father. That I cannot hope for people to change, that I cannot depend on someone I believed would never hurt me. For 3 years I lived in that little “t” truth. I let it close me off to the love of my heavenly father. I felt scared to open my heart only to have it broken all over again. Living in the sadness of my experiences left me cynical and depressed. It showed in my interactions, it was evident in my ability to be a good mom and wife.
In the last couple of years, there are 3 major mindset shifts I made that have allowed me to pursue my passions and find freedom from the depression and bitterness that was taking root in my soul.
The first shift happened while I was going through a devotional. The author told of a dream where she was asked by God to remove the figurative “clothing” that was weighing her down. Mind you this is all figurative, but she removed the clothing of comparison to other moms, she removed the image of perfection she was trying to live up to… you get the picture. Then He asked her to put on new clothing from His promises.
So, I did this exercise in my own mind. God asked me to remove the clothing of abandonment, rejection, unworthiness, and instead put on the garments of chosen, worthy, His. And with that, I saw a picture of Him placing a crown on my head and telling me I was his adopted child, His chosen child, His princess. I began seeing myself as His that day in a way I never had before. It was the first step towards healing. It was the beginning of my road to freedom.
“There’s a lovely Hasidic story of a rabbi who always told his people that if they studied the Torah, it would put Scripture on their hearts. One of them asked, “Why on our hearts, and not in them?” The Rabbi answered, “Only God can put Scripture inside. But reading sacred text can put it on your heart, and then when your hearts break, the holy words will fall inside.” – Anne Lamott, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith
It is like I was walking around for 3 years with a band-aid over my broken heart. Trying desperately to hold it together. To not allow it to be vulnerable to anyone, even God. After all, He let this happen right? But there was a moment on my yoga mat, lying in the presence of Jesus, where I took the band-aid off. I left my heart vulnerable and broken and it was like Jesus poured all the scripture I had “on” my heart “in” my heart. It has taken time to allow these biblical truths to truly sink in, to truly believe it with all I am, and some days I still struggle, but more and more, I am living in this promise instead of the sadness of my experiences.
God, our God! God the one and only!
Love God, your God, with your whole heart; love him with all that’s in you, love him with all you’ve got!
Write these commandments that I’ve given you today on your hearts. Get them inside of you and then get them inside your children. Talk about them wherever you are, sitting at home or walking in the street; talk about them from the time you get up in the morning to when you fall into bed at night. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder; inscribe them on the doorposts of your homes and on your city gates. – Deuteronomy 6:4-9, The Message
Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved son. – Ephesians 1: 5-6, The Message
It is a daily commitment to pursuing the truth of my identity in Christ. The big “T” truth that I am chosen, redeemed, loved, accepted, adopted, blessed, victorious!!!!
“God is the only one who has the authority to tell you who you are!” – Sarah Mae
For encouragement, listen to this beautiful song by Hillsong Worship: https://binged.it/2JTAglr
The second mindset shift has to do with forgiveness… more on that later.
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